Why Do Police Officers Make Bad Flirts?
I don’t think a lot about police officers. As a black person in America, most of my thoughts of them tend to lean towards, please stop harassing people for DWB (driving while black). But occasionally, I”m forced to think of them in other lights.
One such situation arose yesterday when I was on my way for our third potential DOC meeting. It’s wedding lingo that you shouldn’t be concerned with if you’re lucky enough to not know what it means. So, I’m on my way to this meeting, and I leave my apartment building to walk to my car to drive to the meeting. And there was a cop there who decided to flirt with me. I noticed that he made a rather poor flirt. And here’s why:
1. They spend all their time around other cops. The Chicago Police Department (CPD from here on out) is not known for their sense of humor. So when he cracked a joke, it didn’t make me laugh. They pulled up rather suddenly while I was nearing the corner. He hopped out of the car and rushed toward me, pulling out his handcuffs. Then he puts them away and says jokingly, “nah, we’re not here for you.”
I gave him a half-smile and say, “I know, I’m just walking toward my car.” In what world does being almost arrested make a girl blush or smile or think happy thoughts? I know what you’re thinking. He did pull out handcuffs. Aren’t handcuffs supposed to be sexy? Um, no. Not when being wielded by a member of CPD.
2. He had to choose between doing his job and paying attention to me. The cops were actually there for a reason. A man came out of another apartment right on the corner and walked towards the police. I didn’t hear or care what he was talking about because I just needed to get to my car and get to my meeting. But the flirty cop, saw what car I was getting into and felt the need to continue our conversation. “I’ve got a CR-V. Great car. Mine has 20 inch rims on it?” Um, seriously?
I know I’m black, but does that automatically mean I’m impressed by someone having rims? I’m not! I think rims on cars are cop magnets and a good way to get pulled over while DWB in Chicago. But I guess a cop would be exempt from that, wouldn’t he? I smiled and said, “that’s great.” I got in my car, and he decided to finally join his partner in listening to what the man was saying. In an effort to show that I intended to take full advantage of his misplaced interest in me (and since I was parked right on the corner), I did a full U-turn in the intersection (VERY illegal) and drove off in the direction of my meeting.
3.They don’t know when to quit. I think it was just coincidence that the cop showed up at the cafeteria where our meeting was set. There’s no way he could’ve known where I was heading, I parked on a side street, and that cafe is a cop hang-out anyway. But when I saw him and his partner walk in, I was really tickled. I got a better look at him and saw he wasn’t bad looking and he was around my age and he didn’t have on a ring. So he gets points for not being totally skeevy. And he was giving me the eye.
You know, the eye one person gives another they find attractive. Eventually, he took a look at the people around me. There were my parents, who looked like a couple and looked like me. Then there was another guy who was leaning on my and all in my personal space. I reached up and rubbed his face and I think it occurred to the cop that I had on a ring at that point. From that point on, he only snuck looks at me until he and his partner left the cafe. He’s a cop, he should have noticed that ring waaaaay sooner, you know?
Later that night, I filled the fiancé in on what happened and we had a good chuckle. I hope that cop decides to be a good guy and not a bad guy. Finding a girl is off the market can anger some people. But he seemed nice enough, so maybe he’ll be the type to look out for us. Cross your fingers for me!