Adventures of a Midwest Transplant

Men Who Don’t Stand A Chance

The fiancé and I were recently discussing people we used to date. Quite frankly, everyone says that’s something better left un-discussed. But we overshare, and we do what we want. It helps that in each of our eyes, our current partner far outweighs all the merits of anyone we’ve ever dated. So, we talk. One thing that we haven’t discussed much though is new people who pop up.

The fiancé meets more people than I do on a regular basis. He’s a teacher and a musician, and I talk on the phone all day. If someone is going to get fuck-me eyes, it’s going to be him, not me. But I forget that occasionally I do meet people who are in my life for about 2 min tops and yet leave a lasting impression. Remember the post about the police officer?

His lasting impression lasted long enough for a blog post and a laugh with the fiancé. But there have been others. These other men I meet are at work. There are a couple co-workers who give me the eye, but they’re not worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning are these ridiculous delivery guys. I know what you’re thinking. My late-night Chinese food delivery guy is hitting on me. Well, you’d be wrong.

The men who come to pick up organs and tissues that we ship all over the country for transplant and research are the ones hitting on me. I don’t know if it’s my naturally friendly smile, pretty face, or the fact that it’s late as hell at night when we cross paths, but these men are a trip. They flirt with no shame, with their smiles growing ever bigger regardless of how I respond to them.

There was “Nah, You’re Not Black” Guy. He was some sort of Middle Eastern man. I couldn’t place the accent. He told me I was very beautiful and asked for my phone number. I told him I was engaged and he told me that didn’t make me definitely off the market yet. He made a comment about “our” culture, and I told him I was black. I could’ve sworn the dreadlocks would give it away. When I wore my hair straightened, it was a mistake Arab men often made with me, but now? Seriously? His response was to give me a compliment that I didn’t look black, so at least I had that going for me. WTF?!

There was also “You’re So Sparkly and Shiny” Guy. This was a nice-looking white man in his late 40s I would guess. Looked like he could have had a daughter around my age. I was wearing a sparkly top and a headset (because I answer phone and make a lot of phone calls on my job). He watched me walk up to him with this growing smile on his face. Once I was in earshot, he said, “wow you look like Brittany Spears with that shirt and headset.” Maybe his daughter was years older than me and not living with him in years. Maybe that’s why he didn’t know that’s not a compliment to tell someone they remind you of pre-freak out Britney Spears. I don’t know if he expected me to start dancing with a snake, but I was glad to see him go.

Then there was “I Like To Watch You Breathe” Guy. When he arrived to get his package, there were several ready to go out. We weren’t sure which one was his because he had no identifying info for the package. He didn’t know where it was going or what tissue type it was. So while he called dispatch to figure it out, he stood there and stared at me. For four full minutes. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a stranger stare at you for four full minutes. But it’s quite awkward. I tried to look away or inspect the packages as if they held the answer to some mystery. But it was just… creepy.

Every couple of shifts (darn night shift), I run across one of these types of men. They seem mostly harmless, looking to encourage any friendly face they’re lucky to see in their line of work. But they are still woefully uninformed for how to talk to a nice stranger they find attractive.

The good news is I got a good blog post out of it. And who knows, this may become a series of blogs if these guys keep it up.

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2 responses

  1. lifeandothermisadventures

    The “Nah, You’re Not Black” Guy sounds like an idiot! When you meet ones like that, it must make you feel grateful to have a good man. 🙂

    December 1, 2011 at 19:51

    • He would’ve been nice if he weren’t such a douche. I’m very grateful for my good man.

      December 5, 2011 at 05:12