Musings of a Chicago-Born New Yorker

Getting Married, Really Freaking Soon

Ever since we first discussed getting married during the Super Bowl in 2011, the fiancé and I have pretty much been moving towards our wedding, which is the second weekend of next month.

I don’t know if you’ve ever gotten married in a wedding ceremony that was way more extravagant and large than you’d prefer, but I’m kind of freaking out. If I had my way, we would have gotten married in a tiny tiny ceremony at my church on a Wednesday afternoon.

The only wedding accoutrement would be a really pretty dress for me, and flowers, lots of flowers. Then we’d throw a big party a week or so later and invite all the friends and family to join us in merriment. I knew this would never happen, but I can dream.

When we renew our vows in 10-15 years, we’ll do it that way.

But that’s not my reality. In my reality, my wedding is less than a month away. It’s less than 4 weeks away. I still have a ton to do.

I just want to bury my head in the sand and emerge married to a man who’s perfect for me. Why can’t that be the case.

I will be a big girl. I will wear a beautiful dress I love with all my heart that I may not fit into. I will march down the aisle at my non-church wedding venue, with hundreds of eyes staring at me.

Ugh, I try not to think about the eyes. I still have war flashbacks from entering both my engagement party and bridal shower late to the expectant stares of all the guests. I guess it was good practice for the wedding.

They’ll all be staring, but at least at the wedding, they only expect me to walk. At the other events, I felt as if I should’ve prepared a song and dance…

The only thing I’m not freaking out about is becoming a Mrs. I can’t wait to change my name. I can’t wait to wear my non-traditional wedding band. I can’t wait to use the word husband.

And I really can’t wait to wake up the day after the wedding to find that nothing at all has changed in our relationship. Fiancé, you’re the one thing about all of this I’m not freaking out about. And you can comment on this post if you like, I swear it’s not lame. It would be sweet.

8 responses

  1. I can relate. My wedding is Easter Sunday, and the less than 3 month mark has just ticked by. And we’re nervous. Very. Nervous. Not because of the act of getting married, but all the prep and all the money we still have to get through. I feel the urge to bury my head in the dirt. I feel your pain. You are not alone.

    January 13, 2012 at 11:08

    • That’s so soon! I know how you feel about the 3 month mark. For me it was really about the 100 day mark. That felt like only 2 weeks ago, not 75 days ago…

      January 13, 2012 at 21:40

  2. Yeah, you aren’t alone either. I may not have a big wedding but even with the small amount of people I still have to worry about moving, losing my job, and all that not-so-fun stuff. It’ll definitely be an adventure and a new start in a new place.
    But, I think that you will be a beautiful bride! All that matters with your wedding is going to be you two in the end. It’s all about the love you have for each other.

    January 13, 2012 at 23:25

    • Thanks! And oh my damn you do have a lot to deal with! I’m glad you see it as an adventure because that means you an tackle it.

      January 14, 2012 at 02:29

  3. silverneurotic

    Yesterday was my nine mark away day and I’m definitely freaked out…and it’s going to be a super casual (very nontraditional) affair. Weddings have that strange way of freaking people out.

    January 14, 2012 at 09:14

    • Even casual weddings take a lot of planning. I’m sure you’re starting to see how you almost have to fight with your vendors to avoid the more classic, formal options.
      Stay strong though! Stay calm and plan the wedding you want.

      January 14, 2012 at 18:43

  4. Hugs!!! Your wedding will be beautiful and so will you. I can’t wait to see pictures of how you look on your day. Don’t worry about feeling overwhelmed; it’s perfectly normal and ok. That’s part of it. Hang in there and keep your eye on the groom. He’ll keep you calm.

    January 15, 2012 at 00:25

    • Between the fiance and my daddy, I will be keeping eyes out for someone to keep me calm. You’re so right about that.

      January 16, 2012 at 22:34