My Future With The Fiancé
In my last post, I said that talking about our future with the fiancé was really helping me get over the hurdle of rebuilding our trust. I’d like to share what we’ve talking about recently.
At first, the plan was to move to New York City. That’s been the fiancé’s plan from even before he and I got serious. He wanted to go to NYC to play jazz and get a Master’s degree in Jazz Music Performance. I’ve always loved NYC and could see myself living there, so I figured I’d just get a Master’s there too in Health Administration. The plan was to go in 2012, which would be this summer.
When the time rolled around for the fiancé to apply to grad school, things hit a snag. He didn’t actually start applying. I think it was a combination of all the other things he had going on taking up all his time and him psyching himself out. I was getting frustrated with his lack of proactive behavior which to me seemed like lack of ambition.
I eventually felt like I should take some of the pressure off and tell him that we could still go to NYC this summer even if he wasn’t starting grad school in August. I told him that next year could be the year he’d take off to focus only on his music, something he’d always said he wanted to do at some point.
Then last weekend, he told me that he was thinking about not going to New York. Rather, he’d thought about putting it off for another year. We’ve been talking about how hard it is for him to teach and do gigs and work on his own music. He figured it would be nice to have that time to just do gigs and his own music.
He reasoned that it would be better to do that time in Chicago rather than New York. It was kind a of a shock because I always thought the plan was New York in 2012 or bust. Now we’re exploring staying in Chicago another year.
This affects me and my career as well. I had been holding off on looking too closely at the New York City version of the job I have now because I didn’t want to get too deep into it before it was closer to that time. I never told my job I might be trying to transfer to NYC because I only got hired in May of last year so I wanted to give it more time (and also blame it on the ambitions of my new husband and the virtue of compromise).
I even signed up for a mandatory work presentation in October (we all had to pick one) because I knew I’d be gone by then. If I’m honest with myself, I always worried about leaving a job a liked for a lateral move into a situation I wasn’t sure I’d like. And I didn’t like the idea of requesting a transfer before I’d even been here a year. But I was more than willing to do all this for a chance to live in NYC and expand my knowledge of organ and tissue donation in multiple regions.
So now things are kind of up in the air. Either option works for me. We could go to NYC this July and settle into our life there with him taking the time to build up his name there and really get into the music. Or we could stay here another year and I’ll have to do that presentation in October.
Either option gives him more time to wrap his head around grad school. It gives him some time to breathe between the wedding and the rest of our lives. It will let him focus on his music in a market he knows supports him. It will give me more job experience as a senior organ placer, which counts (sort of) as leadership experience. We won’t have to leave our friends and families so soon either.
There’s always the worry that we can always find a reason to push things back and wait another year. That’s true, but I feel like our lives are so fluid right now that if we’re going to be changing th eplan, now is the time to make big alterations in the plans.
I must admit I’m a bit excited to have all this up in the air. I don’t know what’s going to happen next and I can’t wait to see where we end up in 6 months.