Musings of a Chicago-Born New Yorker

I’m Not Mad or Frustrated. I’m Apathetic.

With everything that’s been going on lately with the fiancé, it’s been hard to stay upbeat. Every little thing that goes wrong feels like a huge setback.

It doesn’t help that I feel like my wedding has spiraled out of control. We have to add three more tables at our venue. We should be adding 5 more, but my mom thinks it’s a good idea to just squeeze people in 11 and 12 to a table. The table numbers aren’t done. The seating chart isn’t done.

We still have to do programs, menus, a gift card box, choose the music for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. There was still so much, and nothing could be settled because of all the last minute changes with the guest list, the floor plan, etc.

To top it all off, we still haven’t gotten our marriage license. By the time this post is published, we are supposed to have it. we shall see. Can you tell my optimism is non-existent?

The only defense I have to maintain my sanity and reserve all of my “it-will-work-out”-ness for my relationship with the fiancé is to become apathetic about everything else.

Suddenly, I stopped caring about the wedding. The stuff that isn’t done doesn’t really need to get done. We don’t need programs. It’ll be pretty obvious what’s going on and there’s only like 5 parts to our ceremony anyway.

We don’t need a seating chart. People can sit whereever. I don’t care who sits where.

The fiancé can just get gifts for his groomsmen whenever. And the musicians are all friends with the fiancé, so they can play whatever music they desire. I really truly don’t care anymore.

They say a wedding day is supposed to be a celebration of a couple and starting their new lives together. Well, we’ve already started our lives together, the wedding is just this big pressure cooker that’s messing up the way I view my relationship and adding all this extra stress.

Too many people, too many decisions to make, and too many opinions have to be considered before anything can get accomplished. So I’m over it.

I haven’t picked up my wedding dress yet. I was supposed to pick it up Thursday, but whatever. I’m sure it will make it’s way home from the store somehow.

I will wear that beautiful dress and smile and take a billion pictures and dance and eat and be merry on my wedding day. That’s what everyone is expecting. I hate feeling like I’m on display. I will just drink enough mimosas to feel comfortable and get through the day.

Perhaps once every one else accepts that all these final details are going to fall through the cracks because I’ve stopped caring, they’ll stop calling and texting me 5 times a day. When that happens, maybe I can get back to my focus on the real purpose of this wedding and stop being apathetic.

We’ll see. Whatever.

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