Musings of a Chicago-Born New Yorker

The Trust Tree

I wrote a previous post about planting a seed of trust. I must say, I’m loving this metaphor.

The fiancé and I have been nurturing the seed into a little sapling and now it’s starting to look like a tree.

It was important to me to make real strides in regaining our trust before the wedding. And we’ve done that.

For his part, the fiancé has done an amazing job of pointing out when his behavior is noticeably different.

He’ll say, “I totally would’ve done it this way three weeks ago, but today I’ve done it this other, more trustworthy way. Aren’t you happy?”

Each time he does that, it’s like pouring water or sunlight or whatever onto the sapling. After the big blowup, I didn’t want to trust him, and that was a problem. But now, I want to trust him.
With each moment that my trust grows stronger, so does the love. All of those feelings I had pushed away in an effort to be less hurt in case things fell apart were still there. I just had to access them again.

I thought the trust tree was just about trust. But our foundation has three parts and all three really are very connected.

I can already see improvements in our communication too. We have fewer confusing moments, and we more quickly settle the ones that do arise.

I’m so glad the fiancé is on board with this ridiculous metaphor. It helps me to think of it in this way. Being able to visualize our relationship getting stronger is a real help to me.

He also didn’t rush me to immediately feel better. Even with the impending nuptials, he gave me space and time to work through my shit. And he was there working through it with me.

I can now confidently say we are out of the woods and our relationship is strong again. I can marry him with no doubts in my mind. The last couple weeks have shown me that I can rely on him and we can get through anything. So, really shortly, I’ll be referring to “the husband”, instead of the fiancé. Exciting, right?

2 responses

  1. silverneurotic

    I’m really happy that the two of you are back on solid footing with your relationship, I was a little worried but very inspiring to read how the two of you have been working on your relationship.

    February 8, 2012 at 07:44

    • Thanks. I didn’t really think of us as inspiring. It’s just that between the two of us, we’ll never stop fighting for us.

      February 25, 2012 at 06:39