Musings of a Chicago-Born New Yorker

Having An Equitable Marriage

This is not some insightful post guaranteed to bring peace in your marriage. If you’ve ever read any previous post, you know I don’t go that deep. I would never give advice to the masses like that.

Nope, this post is just a story about the husband and I trying to help each other out. Give and take is kind of our thing. We keep things equal. not 50/50, but equal in terms of our efforts and what we try to give to each other.

Cleaning the kitchen is mostly his responsibility. But the cooking is mine. When I woke up for work Wednesday, I realized the kitchen was in a special place of disarray.

I could only imagine the husband coming home for the evening, ready to clean the kitchen, and finally taking in just how bad it looked. I couldn’t do that to him. So I loaded up the dishwasher, cleaned the counters, swept and mopped the floor, and took out the garbage. Well, I took the garbage to the back porch, but at least it was out of the kitchen.

I was so proud of myself for getting off my ass and helping out with something that was actually his job. I waited to tell him about though. The husband was off being amazing and running errands so I’d have a car to drive back and forth to work. To top it off, after those errands, he was going to go grocery shopping. The husband hates grocery shopping.

I had pretty much decided that grocery shopping should just be my job since I could do it quicker, more efficiently, and hated it less than he did. I had my special menu and shopping list template that I’d setup for myself. But the husband insisted that I let him go, so I did.

I handed over my special list that covered some staples we needed to replenish and some menu items for the rest of the week. When I was going to let him know about how I helped him out, he beat me to the punch to tell me how on top of things he was with his errands for the day.

While we were patting ourselves on the back, the husband arrived at the grocery store. He realized he didn’t have my list I’d given him the day before. He said he had it, but he’d lost it. Well, he didn’t lose it. He knew exactly where it was, it was just no longer accessible to him.

So what happened to that grocery list? It went something like this:

“I knew when I got in the car, I needed to keep it close, so I stuck it in the cup holder. I knew that probably wasn’t the best place to put it, but I figured it would be okay. But then it fell behind the cup holder. You know the cup holder in the front of the car, like right under the radio? Yeah, so I can see it, but I can’t reach it.”

I decided to not help him. I was driving and couldn’t exactly write out a new list for him right then. And the husband seems to do careless things a lot when it comes to things that someone else can step in and save him. So I gave him advice. I told him to get a bendy straw and gum and retrieve the list he already had. He was already at the store, so I figured it was a good a plan as any.

I sat there while he thought aloud about how to make it work. Then I got off the phone because I didn’t want to help. Somehow he retrieved the list and completed the shopping. I’m not sure how he did it, but he did. I like it when he solves his self-inflicted problems for himself. That may be a given with some people, but not my husband. So that afternoon was a good one.

Every time he fixes one of these situations, I get less concerned about leaving him alone with our future children. And to thank him, I’ll make him a great dinner before I go to work tomorrow. I’m thinking baked chicken, homemade biscuits, rice and gravy, and roasted broccoli.

2 responses

  1. silverneurotic

    I’d probably manage to do something like lose something down the vent of my car.

    March 30, 2012 at 18:49

    • Lol, well that happens. Mostly just to you and the husband. But it happens.

      April 3, 2012 at 05:02