I’ve stepped behind the veil y’all. I see people in a different light than I used to. Which people you ask? I’m not talking about the husband, my friends, or my family. They’re all as crazy and lovable as ever. I’m talking about co-workers.
I’ve always described my office as a lovely place to work because everyone is so nice, good-looking, and smart. I like to have pretty and sense everywhere I look and I get that here at work. That makes life easier when you deal with death 12 hours a day, you know?
Since becoming supervisor, I’ve dealt with a lot of revealing facts. People who always seemed so nice are turning into ogres. Dealing with my own inadequacies as a supervisor hasn’t been easy either. I’m certain the person in particular I’m thinking of would also describe me as a monster. Neither of us are monsters; we just want what’s best from our perspective, and our perspectives don’t always line up.
It’s so unfortunate that you can never really replace office politics with warm fuzzy never-ending understanding. I think I’m waking up from my fatigue earlier in the week though because I’m feeling optimistic again. I feel like I have the support of my management and most of my staff. With that support, I feel like we can accomplish anything and make any compromise work.
I’ll probably feel the exact opposite this time next week.
It’s just hard to not get invested emotionally in the situations, you know? I want things to go well. I’m acutely feeling how the decisions and compromises I make affect the morale and career of my staff. I feel anxiety when I think of it. It helps that no one’s entire career is in my hands. If I stay on the management track, I’ll clearly have to work on being alright with it. But that’s a problem for another day.
I don’t know where my career is going to take me, but I hope it takes me somewhere near where I am now. I like being involved in decisions big and small. I love being on hand to implement new processes. And I really like being in charge of giving what is most likely the fairest evaluations people will ever receive.
I’m all about the numbers and targets set. I don’t let my personal opinions shadow performance. I do let my observations of work color it. And nothing that shows up in my evaluations is news to the person being evaluated because we have monthly status meetings. If I’m ever in charge of developing an evaluation system, it will grow from the way my job does things now.
Now I feel like I’m talking about work too much. But I just wanted to get something down because I’m feeling pretty strongly about it. I love my job and I feel like I’m rising to the challenge of taking off the rose-colored glasses. At the very least, I’m soaking every moment up and trying to learn as much as possible.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn something real about being a supervisor. If I’m in charge of people, I will be damn good at it.
You ever have one of those moments where you feel like you should write a new blog post, but you don’t really feel like writing a blog post? I have recently found a cure for the blog writer’s block. It’s other people’s blogs.
If you are like me, you read a lot of blogs. My current ‘follow’ list has 63 blogs on it. This is a lot considering I purge my blog list every six weeks or so of blogs I find I no longer have an interest in reading. I’ve become quite attached to the blogs I read and people who write them. Most of them are personal blogs, with a few political, photography, and cooking blogs thrown in. Reading about the latest goings on in the lives of my fave blog writers has become a real part of my life.
There are times when I need more though. When that happens, I make my way over to the blog of one of you people who comment a lot on my blog. If you have responses for me, I know you respond to the other
far more interesting things other people have to say. So I’ll go to a blog you read or recommend or comment on a lot. And every now and again, I strike gold.
Last night, my gold mine was a blog called Baby Kerf. I don’t read a ton of mommy/pregnancy blogs, but I love this one. And after reading a couple recent posts, I felt inspired. I felt like I should bring my butt back to my blog and write a post. I figured now was the time to just get on with what I’ve been avoiding talking about.
But before that, I want to talk about the husband. He was totally right about the long ass road trip to Virginia. It was an amazing weekend and we all had so much fun. I love his family so much, and spending time with them is just as high on my list of fun things to do as spending time with my family. I really feel blessed to have married into such a fun, warm, and caring clan. When I write my Fifty by 50 post about Virginia, I’ll explain exactly why I know I belong in this family. Two words: wine tasting.
Okay, I’m getting on with it. I’ve stopped working out. It wasn’t on purpose. First I was busy, then I was sleepy, then I felt stressed, then I was sick, then I was out-of-town. And before I knew it, two weeks had passed. I did so good from July 31st to September 14th, but it just went awry. It became easier to sleep and drink water and sleep and sulk and sleep and blow my nose than to hop around and do ridiculously angled leg exercises for an hour each day.
Even though I feel like a complete failure, I’m not out of it. I have learned a big ass lesson about balancing life’s priorities. Having this big wedding in Virginia to go along with the husband’s CD release party was just too much. I knew things would get this way before this part of September arrived, and I didn’t plan accordingly. The weather changed and I got sick. Things got busy, and I didn’t focus on getting enough sleep. Time got short, and I stopped making home-cooked meals.
One thing piled on the next and I let it happen. It was like a slow-moving car accident, which is never fun to witness or be a part of. So, I definitely won’t let this happen again. There will be many times in life that we will be busy and stressed and sick and sleepy. That doesn’t mean I can let my short-term goals fall apart because then my long-term goals won’t get reached.
There will be a two-week gap on my calendar. Luckily, the Tracy Anderson Method allows you to pick up where you left off without skipping anything. So I’m still on day 31-40, but I will finish it out and keep moving and keep on track. I don’t know if I’ve gained any weight back or not. Based on how my clothes fit, I haven’t gained any size back so far. I attribute that to my vigilance about my diet. I’ve been avoiding processed foods like the plague and not too many processed sugars or fried food.
Now that I’ve outed myself, and I can breathe a little easier. Yes, I faltered, but I’m picking myself back up again. I’ve learned a lot about how much my health means to me. I’ve learned about the best ways for the husband and I to handle stress. And I’ve learned that no matter what happens in the short-term, I can re-focus if I stay committed to my long-term goals.
Every day is a choice.
Every single day I have to remember to smile and exercise and drink water and sleep.
Now that I’m past Day 30, I feel even better in terms of energy, mood, and self-image. When I look at my pictures from Day 1, Day 10, Day 20, and now Day 30, it’s really just amazing. In fact, I’ll post the old pictures
Aside from feeling amazing, the biggest notice is how my clothes fit. My largest clothes are becoming quite roomy. I figure by Day 60, I’ll have to get rid of some of my clothes because they will be too large. There are several items of clothing I haven’t been able to fit into for months that are starting to fit. I have a great pair of wide leg pants that button on the side. I can button them again, and I’m hoping to wear them in public in just 10 short days. They are perfect-for-fall pants after all.
The husband and I are going to a wedding in a couple weeks in Virginia for one of his cousins. God willing, I’ll be wearing this great dress I haven’t worn (or really fit well) since the day I met the husband. And I’m considering Halloween outfits that aren’t swamping my body. Halloween seems to be the time to run naked through the streets and claim you’re dressed as a “Sexy Bunny” or “Sexy Puppy” or “Slut #3.” Maybe I will just go as Slut #3. It will be hard to get me not to if I have any kind of lines on my tummy representing the start of a six pack.
Even when I feel like doing nothing and next to nothing, I still have energy. In that moment of doing nothing, I still know I could get up and do something, I’m not so pooped out that I have no choice but to lie down. The husband just started doing P90X (because he’s a crazy person). It’s been such a change in our house with both of us working out and making a more concerted effort to be healthy. When we’re working this hard, it makes everything else seem worth it somehow. Putting in work on the apartment, planning our schedules around work so we still have fun, and just hanging out and doing nothing is better. When you’ve worked up a sweat and can feel the burn, you feel like you’ve accomplished something that day. So just chilling and playing video games that night is nothing but fun and you feel no regret about it.
Taking care of my skin and my body has always been a priority, but when I’m working up a sweat 6 days a week, it’s even more important. I use lots of Mary Kay products on my face that include a toner, exfoliates, and has sunscreen. I use the Proactiv body wash. And Dove and Oil of Olay round out the pack for soaps, deodorant, and lotions. My hair isn’t an issue because I have locs. I can’t imagine how African-American women with hard to manage hair work out all the time. I guess those are the ponytail women. I honestly am glad my hair is locked so it’s not ever an issue.
I finished my Tracy Anderson food program after 30 calendar days. This was well before the 30th Metamorphosis Day. Since that time, I’ve just been trying to eat healthy (except for the evil ass cake week) and not overdoing it. The weight loss has continued, so I imagine I’m doing something right. I no longer eat anything canned or over-processed, and that has helped a lot. I eat a lot of lean meat, fresh fruits, fresh vegetable, and home-made baked goods. And now I’m basically following one of the P90X diet plans with the husband. The meal plan reads exactly like what we’ve been eating recently anyway. Each lunch includes lots of veggies either in soup or salad form with lean meat. Each dinner includes meat, some starch/health carb, one grain, and veggies. I think that even once we’re not taking their meal suggestions, it should be no problem to stick with this meal format, which isn’t too far from what I was eating on Tracy Anderson’s plan.
I’ve come up with some amazing recipes too. I made a citrus cilantro vinaigrette that doubled as a marinade for a chicken mixed greens salad we had for lunch the other day. More people would eat healthy everyday if I was cooking for them, trust me. Since I’ve had the baking bug recently, the house always has fresh cookies, or cake, or brownies to be found. They are definitely not low-fat, so we have to make sure we don’t overdo it. So far, except for the chocolate cake, it hasn’t been a problem. That chocolate cake is the first recipe I didn’t cut in half or into 1/3, so I can only blame the large volume of cake. The fact that it was still around after 5 days was trouble enough. When I cut a cookie recipe down and only make 8-10, it’s gone before we even get set to overdo it.
The last thing I want to say is that my calves feel and look amazing. I’ve always had thinner legs from the knee down, but now they look pretty shapely and strong. My skinny jeans are actually tight all the way down my leg now instead of just around the thighs and hips. Tracy Anderson wasn’t kidding when she said she’d give me an all-around more feminine shape.